Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Trying to Tell Me Something….
I made a corner in my house a few weeks ago, as a place for remembering. It has our family pics up from 2008, a few months before Jason passed. This weekend I found my little boy there, huddled in the corner, doing what looked like praying.
He's 7, and unfortunately we dont get to church as much as we should… like ever. I pray with them, talk to them about God, but.. I think he needs more. Obviously theres always room for more God in someone's life, especially for a little boy who's lost his father. I knew that already. I just didnt act as quickly as I pictured I would when I reviewed my “game plan” as a new single mom.
For one thing, it aches to be in church without Jason. It literally creates a tightness in my throat and chest to be in places we used to be together, as a family. Family unit activities hurt. A lot. I feel wedged between two enormous feelings of hurt and disbelief, and a sense of loss for my children, being robbed of something so vital as a good father.
I digress.. As much as it broke my heart to see him there, praying so solemly, like a little old wise man, as much as I wanted to ask him what he was doing… I walked away. I said nothing.
Maybe God is trying to tell me something.