I’m supposed to be done with Ruth, but something made me want more. The story seems so cut off, and short! So I decided to read a devotional on Ruth, to study a little closer.⠀
The study discussed how as widows we seem to face the same plight, since we all “left” our families to be with our partners. We joined lives, became one unit – and never thought twice about what would happen if we ever had to pick up where their lives ended. A lot of us are left broken, empty and restless.. Wondering – What do you do in the face of death? What does God expect us to do now?
Ruth, Orpah and Naomi all had the same dilemma, and each looked at it differently. Naomi blamed God, and decided she was just cursed, miserable and sad. Orpah retreated back to her family and her old Gods, staying in Moab in her own comfort zone. Ruth decided to let God weave her grief into a new story, following her mother in law out of empathy and love.⠀
None of these reactions are strange to me. I probably did them all, actually. I was angry with God. I did retreat back to my parents’ home. But at some point, eventually, I got tired. I was sick of blaming a God who continued to bless me in other ways. It got me nowhere and I felt like a child, throwing a tantrum. I wanted a resolution, not to stay angry. I realized at some point, the only way out of anger was going to be change.⠀
I was going to have to let go of my anger by letting go of my fears; that it would happen again, that God had cursed me, that I would never get back what I lost, being alone and bitter for the rest of my life…. I was going to have to believe in what
God said “I am making everything New”.
I felt guilty about wanting anything new – at first. How could I betray the life I’d vowed to live? Would I even have the energy, the space in my heart, for anything ( or any ONE ) new? So I stepped out on faith, and hope, and did my best to make room for God to weave me a new story.⠀
PS – He gave me back EVERYTHING. My life is almost UN-recognizable now!